Recorded Wavs comments set 1 from 2006 (Icarus)

The following comments were some of the first I received from a friend when I laid down my very first set of scratch track versions of my songs.  It was a disc of nine songs that I called “Recorded Wavs”.  A very musically experienced friend of mine from the Boston music scene graciously listened to my warbling, and thus began the collaboration that became the basis of the current incarnation of The Mobius Project.

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Here are my comments:

Overall I’m happy with the quality of it-  Next time work on your overall playing, pitch, and annunciation.  Also, even in demo form I could’ve used more vocals in the mix.  I also think that your range is higher than what you presented in this demo, and thats a good thing.  Voice and knowing your range comes with time and shit, I think I’m just getting started at learning what my voice can do-

One (dawn 1): I like the lyrical content, and the main melody.  I can see where you put held out chords to accent the lyrical idea.  I’d like to see you put another chord progression or two, and changes to the main melody, note-wise and dynamic wise.  The song seems static right now-  Just one piece.

Two (untitled): I like the vamping high string idea.  You put some ‘cadence’ in the first progression @ Around :22-:25.  and I actually think you could hit that last note one more time so it feels ‘resolved.’  I think a delayed electric guitar would tell a nice story on this track.  I’m also into the crescendo @ 2:20-  Develop that idea!

Three (blue): I Love this song!  Generally, clean up the playing and singing, e.g. 1:27.  @ 1:52 the timing gets a lil ‘wonky.’
I can see where drums/bass would elevate this song @ the end.  Yell it out @ the last chorus!  I know you’ve got some high notes in there.

Four (speed): I love this progression-  Reminds me of the police.  More annunciation on your words.
Can we work on the length of this song?  Do all the verses and pieces serve the song?

Five (world):  You’ve got some room for harmonies on this song on the chorus “I’s”  Once again, you can elevate the last verse/chorus with vocal and instrumental dynamics

Six (there):  The finger–picking in the beginning is awesome.  I love the melody as well.  Sing out the ‘overcomes’ and ‘are you theres’  Around 3:15 you do a cool rhythmic thing thats gonna rock!  Sing it out!

Seven (float):  The only thing I have with this song is the time change-  I love the melody of the chorus-my favorite part of the song.  Might it be best to do an a-b  or b-a thing with the two separate times, rather than a-b-a ???

Eight (yelling): Yes!  One of my favorites!  Dynamics, melody changes, great lyrics, good song length!!!!  Record it!

Nine (kent): Swinging mobius.  Cool progression, dark funk!  Watch your pitch and anunciation.  Awesome chords @ 1:50-  Why no vocals?  The breakdown vision may not be realized yet.  It has an even darker tone when compared to the funkiness of the rest of the song.  Drums will be great on this song to accent the rhythms.

I hope my comments help you.

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